Fun fact: 80 percent of people feel embarrassed when they see you…

Fun fact: 80 percent of people feel embarrassed when they see you… What’s even funnier, that fact cannot be saved with a face cream, but we sure can try. We men have been lied to so many fucking times that using a face cream would be somehow feminine or otherwise uncool. We here at Dick have come to the decision that from now on, all men who do not moisturize their mugs are going to be banned from using their dicks. This is to make sure that we do not need to train another generation to treat that mug with a cream. 

Come what may, we think applying a face cream to our faces is really fucking cool, and at least as sensible as buttering a rye bread. With real butter, none of that margarine stuff. 

Here is how you moisturize your face the correct way: 

  • Get yourself a jar of face cream, from us or from somewhere else. 
  • Apply the cream to your face after showering in the evening, when your skin is at the driest stage.   
  • Use a tiny amount, a fingertip is a good measure.  
  • Let the cream work its magic during the night, you will be a much better dude in the morning. 

If we managed to convince you that your face desperately needs a face cream, here’s a few tips to choose Dick Johnson’s face cream. Our Guarantee Face Cream is made in the homeland, that is, in Finland. Our cream is designed to fit a man’s face. Many face creams leave the skin shiny, ours gives the skin a matte look. To top everything off, our face cream is 100 % organic. So take that! 

And yes, the Guarantee Face Cream has modest 5-star reviews, so thank YOU! Here’s a review by Miia: 

I didn’t have the patience to wait for my man to start using his gift, so I applied a small amount of the product on my own hand to test it out. My skin felt and looked so silky that I wanted to take it immediately. And I did. My man was convinced by this, and he started to use the product every day. I swear, I have offered myself even over the demand. The cream is quickly absorbed, and the scent is quite subtle. I actually use this in secret myself, too, because the scent follows the current climate and is more gender neutral than masculine. A fresher scent would have yielded the fifth star, but it’s more important that home base yields. – Miia on Dec 30. 2019.