“Why does my face always bleed?
“Why does my face always bleed? Why does my face have more pimples than a teenage boy? Why is my mug always on fire and tight after I shave? Am I the problem or your tools?”
Well listen, buddy. The problem is neither us, nor our stuff. Shaving, if anything, is a sport that depends on the equipment. So, let’s put that equipment in shape, so neither your madam, neighbor nor colleague can complain. Okay, shaving is also about skill, or rather knowledge. Luckily for you, we here at Dick like to share more than just dick…
Chapter one: Blades / Here you go.
TL; DR: Replace the blade with a new one after 2 or 3 shaves.
How to avoid red, pimply, and tight skin after shaving? One of the best things about traditional shaving are the ridiculously cheap replacement blades. So, listen here, you dude over there with even a slightly stronger stubble. Replace that blade with a new one, even just after two shaves! It still won’t cost you anything. So, always shave with a sharp blade. It’s difficult to fuck around with limp dick, it’s also difficult to shave with a dull blade. And this you can’t blame on your madam.
Chapter two: Glide / Here you go.
TL; DR: Apply both a shaving oil and a shaving product, such as gel, cream, or soap, to your face.
Glide, my good man, use glide! Spread a shaving oil to your face before shaving. This means that you need to let it sit for a while, so that your beard can soften up. When your beard is as smooth as a 20-year-old’s millimeter stubble, you can start working on it. Life is never easy unless your dream is to live with dirty hippies in a bungalow. After shaving oil, apply the shaving cream, gel, or soap of your choice to your face. Now you are ready for shaving. Remember: only a five-minute effort at this point of the process provides you with a remarkably more enjoyable shaving experience, and your skin won’t be as distressed as a horny bunny. So spread that oil and the shaving product of your choice.
Chapter three: After Shave / Here you go.
TL; DR: Apply an aftershave cream after shaving. An ordinary moisturizer will do just fine, or you can go the extra mile and invest on this!
Okay, we get it. For many people, this list has two things too many. But when you master the basics, the rest of the process is going to be much more satisfying. Now that you have shaved your beard with a sharp blade and remembered to lubricate it the right way, it’s time for the award ceremony. Now it is time to finish the play, and I don’t mean foreplay. I mean this beard shaving. Apply after shave to your face. After shave ensures that the change your skin has experienced will be dealt without permanent, or even temporary damage. I recommend Johnson’s Pussy Guarantee. This nectar has been used for nearly a thousand years. We are actually talking about an organic cosmetic made in Finland: a mild-scented, creamy moisturizer from squeezed nectar. Although the name is strongly humorous in nature, we can ensure that this potion has spent more years in product development than many people spend in school.
Chapter four: Tools / Here you go.
TL; DR: Get yourself a traditional razor.
As in most of movies by Nolan, we ended up in the starting line. To shave your beard like a true gentleman, you do need a proper blade for it. We here at Dick Johnson think that the blade should last from father to son. That is why we do not sell plastic razors or blades. Check here for the widest range of shavers in Finland.