Truth about Finland

By Ronald Platt

THE TRUTH ABOUT FINLAND.

  • When I moved to Finland, I immediately started to notice the differences… From absolute silence in public spaces, to avoiding the celebration of love… Here’s a few things to prepare for:
  • Silence isn’t golden, it’s sober – You’ll find your journey to work to be as silent as a fart in the wind, but bring out the beer and the room will turn into the toilet of your local curry house… LOUD.
  • When it rains, it pours – Finns can handle -35 degree temperatures, deep snow and frozen nose hair… But a little rain and their world falls apart… Prepare to dodge the umbrellas!!
  • Be mean, Keep ‘em keen – Imagine sitting in a 80 degree sauna, sweating like a sinner in church, and then the guys suggest rolling in the snow!! This happens… Why?! `Refreshment’, yeah right…
  • All for one, one for all – Never, and I mean never, sit next to someone on public transport… You savage… Be prepared to scour the train for those remaining 3 empty seats you need to sit comfortably ´Finnish´.
  • Have you learnt the language yet?! – Ok, the same word for throat is cucumber… This sounds like it’s going to be an easy thing to do… VITTU!!
  • Valentine’s Day – Ohhhh no!! No date, no worries… it’s Ystävänpäivä in Finland, which literally translates to `Friendship Day’… Those cold hearted Finns…
  • P’s and Q’s – Expect to be ordered at, and this isn’t rude. Thank you is common, but a please?! No, just a beer… Thanks.

 

When it´s time to party, We will always party Finnish – I think the country is named so because they are always the last ones to literally finish… Clubs stay open until 6am, beer is standard in Saunas, every street has numerous bars and the only crime committed seems to be drunk and disorderly… party on!!

 

Travel in style – Trams are cold, miserable and loud… expect your variety of guests to range from those who have missed the bus to those who have missed their last hit. Buses are boring… expect silence and to break the rule of sitting next to someone, so prepare to feel uncomfortable. Metro is fast… That’ll help when it’s crowded in summer and with that faint smell of vomit, it’ll be good to get out quick.

 

A nod can say a thousand things – Want a reaction to the thousands of compliments you throw your Sweetheart?? Wanna show appreciation to the car letting you past at the crossing?? Wanna say hi to a friend in the street?? A nod says it all… Seriously.

You´ll love it – It’s true, you will. We all do… The Finns, the foreigners, the freezing seagulls and future visitors!!

P.S I read this to my Finnish colleagues, and they think this is all positive… Really?!